Go to the Up

I whine and moan all the time about how lonely I am and that I wish I had more friends and got out and did things. Yet I never have really done anything about it. I even went out and purchased a book about shyness. I flipped through the book and found that there was some real truth in it, but I never went through and did any of the exercises. I figure that I am the one who needs to make the change and work at it. Nothing worth having comes without effort. I have to get off my butt and work towards being more outgoing.

On completely different news, my older brother announced over the holidays that he proposed to his girlfriend. Today he asked if I would be his best man. I want to feel happy for them, but I don't really know how I feel. I have been this way about many things recently and am afraid that I am just distancing myself from everything so I don't feel emotions as a protective measure. Mom's cancer is the same way. I don't really feel concerned about it and I know that God will take care of her, but I can't help but think am I hiding from my feelings?