Go to the Up

Now that I have gotten over my bout of illnesses, I am beginning to feel better emotionally. I am not really sure which came first, the depression or the illness. It could have been either.
I am feeling a bit restless. I want to do different things, new things. As usual I don't really have a clue what I really mean, I just feel kinda antsy.

I have had pretty much no interest in our weekly D&D game. I don't really want to quit, because that is most of my socializing and without Friday nights, I would end up sitting at home by myself watching movies or reading or just bored and lonely. On the other hand I am not enjoying the D&D sessions much at all. I feel that I would rather do something spontaneously, but I am never a very spontaneous type of person. I can never decide on what to spontaneously do. :)

I am torn between my enjoyment and the enjoyment of my friends. I don't want to disappoint them by quitting and I don't really think I would benefit from quitting, but I just am not enjoying it like I used to. I always have such a hard time reviewing things and giving reasons for them. Yet I seem to always plan out and over analyze choices. It is a strange paradoxial condition I know.

Because I feel like it and have never really tried it before, some haiku.

Like silent water
flowing on never ending
time passes away

Still water in pond
troubles in your life are like
a pebble thrown in

Ripples spread each way
waves washing the sandy beach
sweeping sand away

Every day the same
different footsteps are found
on the sandy shore

People are long gone
yet some traces left behind
is there some from me?