Thursday, August 17, 2006
Past events shaping the current
I have been siting here just letting my mind wander while reading a blog about a couples two young daughters and their experiences and adventures in life. It got me thinking about my own childhood and the experiences that I have had.
I had a pretty easy childhood. Sure there were the chores that needed to be done on time. Especially the dishes. My brother and I alternated days of dish washing. The problem was we got lazy and ended up with lots of still dirty dishes. The solution if you had dishes that were not clean you got to rewash them and got the next days dishes to do. I remember doing dishes for over a solid week because I could not get them all clean. After our attitudes got adjusted the inspections got more lenient and we were allowed a few dished to slip past dirty. I wonder if this helped attribute to my want of perfection. I hate seeing something being done partially or half hearted. I always want to make the person immediately redo the task correctly, sometimes even resorting to redoing it myself after they leave.
I wonder how much effect a single occurance in life can have or does it take a number of occurances to make a lasting impression.
Take one of my school age plays that we had to perform in. I was always more of a quiet sort of kid, but I think that I only had the normal stage fright that everyone gets.
During one of our school plays we were singing a pirate song and all of a sudden the entire class skipped an entire verse, except for me. I faltered a bit and was unsure who had made the error. After a short pause and regaining my mental footing I started to feel both angry that all the others were singing the song wrong, but I also felt terribly embarassed because all the parents watching did not know that I was singing it correctly, they could only think that I was the one singing wrong.
Today I get terrible stage fright when doing any kind of public speaking. When I took my speach class at college it was real hard for me to deliver the speech in front of the class. I was terrified at making an error. Through the weeks of the course and delivering several speeches the fright did noticably lessen and got easier after each speech. It has been a few years since that class and I know I have slipped back into my previous mode of thinking and I want to get out of that way of fearing mistakes.
Does a single event like my play create an excessive fear of public display, or is it just a part of a series of events? Did the first event cause me to withdraw a bit and subsequent events cause me to shrink back more and more? Does it even matter how I came to be the way I am? Or is the way I want to be the only thing that really matters?
Something to think about when there is nothing else on my mind.
On a completely different tangent, I want to find a nice coffee/tea house. One that is not just a branch of a national/international chain. I think that such a place would be a great place to go and relax, let my mind wander and maybe read a good book or two in. Anyone know of any in my area?
I had a pretty easy childhood. Sure there were the chores that needed to be done on time. Especially the dishes. My brother and I alternated days of dish washing. The problem was we got lazy and ended up with lots of still dirty dishes. The solution if you had dishes that were not clean you got to rewash them and got the next days dishes to do. I remember doing dishes for over a solid week because I could not get them all clean. After our attitudes got adjusted the inspections got more lenient and we were allowed a few dished to slip past dirty. I wonder if this helped attribute to my want of perfection. I hate seeing something being done partially or half hearted. I always want to make the person immediately redo the task correctly, sometimes even resorting to redoing it myself after they leave.
I wonder how much effect a single occurance in life can have or does it take a number of occurances to make a lasting impression.
Take one of my school age plays that we had to perform in. I was always more of a quiet sort of kid, but I think that I only had the normal stage fright that everyone gets.
During one of our school plays we were singing a pirate song and all of a sudden the entire class skipped an entire verse, except for me. I faltered a bit and was unsure who had made the error. After a short pause and regaining my mental footing I started to feel both angry that all the others were singing the song wrong, but I also felt terribly embarassed because all the parents watching did not know that I was singing it correctly, they could only think that I was the one singing wrong.
Today I get terrible stage fright when doing any kind of public speaking. When I took my speach class at college it was real hard for me to deliver the speech in front of the class. I was terrified at making an error. Through the weeks of the course and delivering several speeches the fright did noticably lessen and got easier after each speech. It has been a few years since that class and I know I have slipped back into my previous mode of thinking and I want to get out of that way of fearing mistakes.
Does a single event like my play create an excessive fear of public display, or is it just a part of a series of events? Did the first event cause me to withdraw a bit and subsequent events cause me to shrink back more and more? Does it even matter how I came to be the way I am? Or is the way I want to be the only thing that really matters?
Something to think about when there is nothing else on my mind.
On a completely different tangent, I want to find a nice coffee/tea house. One that is not just a branch of a national/international chain. I think that such a place would be a great place to go and relax, let my mind wander and maybe read a good book or two in. Anyone know of any in my area?
# posted by kc masterpiece @ 10:59 AM 
