Thursday, February 02, 2006
Status: Confused
I was not as nervous as I expected to be yesterday.
On a scale of 1-10 I would say a 3 was about as high as my anxiety got the drinks at the bar kinda fuddle that measurement during the evening though.
However I was totally not prepared for the evening. We chatted a little bit at the bar and then went to play some pool. On the way there I was blindsided by some questions that I had never anticipated being asked. It makes sense to want to know those things before you get involved with someone, but they just are not the type of questions that I was expecting when I first meet someone.
I think the evening started out pretty well, but that I was subconciously blowing her off as the night went on. She must have sensed that, because she started asking me if she was scaring me or coming on to strong. I don't think that I realized what I was doing at the time, but I pretty much just shut down completely and shrunk into my shell.
I want to kick myself for not talking with her more instead of trite short noncommital answers.
I guess that I don't know what to think. I had a pretty good evening and enjoyed getting out and being with people. Iwant to get to know her some more, but at the same time I don't. I don't know if my hesitance is just my anxiety saying 'you went and met her and that is all that you have to do, you can go and curl back up in a ball'. I guess there is a part of me that wants a fairy tale girlfriend that just magically drops in my lap through no effort of my own. I need to realize that is a totally unrealistic expectation. I am not perfect by a long shot, so why would I expect anyone else to be perfect.
I think that I may be afraid of being a disappointment, a waste of time, and a bore to her. On the other hand I am also afraid that we hit things off as it is uncharted waters for me and I have always been uncomfortable with the unknown.
I need to realize that the worst that can happen is we realize that our personalities don't mesh well and we don't see each other again. A very plausible result is that we get to know more about each other and enjoy the time we spend together. Even if we don't end up together in the long run what can it hurt spending some time together.
I seem to be more anxious now than before meeting her.
On a scale of 1-10 I would say a 3 was about as high as my anxiety got the drinks at the bar kinda fuddle that measurement during the evening though.
However I was totally not prepared for the evening. We chatted a little bit at the bar and then went to play some pool. On the way there I was blindsided by some questions that I had never anticipated being asked. It makes sense to want to know those things before you get involved with someone, but they just are not the type of questions that I was expecting when I first meet someone.
I think the evening started out pretty well, but that I was subconciously blowing her off as the night went on. She must have sensed that, because she started asking me if she was scaring me or coming on to strong. I don't think that I realized what I was doing at the time, but I pretty much just shut down completely and shrunk into my shell.
I want to kick myself for not talking with her more instead of trite short noncommital answers.
I guess that I don't know what to think. I had a pretty good evening and enjoyed getting out and being with people. Iwant to get to know her some more, but at the same time I don't. I don't know if my hesitance is just my anxiety saying 'you went and met her and that is all that you have to do, you can go and curl back up in a ball'. I guess there is a part of me that wants a fairy tale girlfriend that just magically drops in my lap through no effort of my own. I need to realize that is a totally unrealistic expectation. I am not perfect by a long shot, so why would I expect anyone else to be perfect.
I think that I may be afraid of being a disappointment, a waste of time, and a bore to her. On the other hand I am also afraid that we hit things off as it is uncharted waters for me and I have always been uncomfortable with the unknown.
I need to realize that the worst that can happen is we realize that our personalities don't mesh well and we don't see each other again. A very plausible result is that we get to know more about each other and enjoy the time we spend together. Even if we don't end up together in the long run what can it hurt spending some time together.
I seem to be more anxious now than before meeting her.
# posted by kc masterpiece @ 8:31 AM 
