Thursday, January 26, 2006
Movies make me cry
I have been watching the Miyazaki films as they are being shown on the TCM channel this month.
Miyazaki-san makes some wonderful movies, but Whisper of the Heart I watched last night.
Wow, beautiful story and the lesson he was telling really got to me and made me think a bit about myself.
I find myself alot like the girl. No real goal in my life and I am living from one day to the next. As I was wandering around in my thoughts I realized that I still very much see myself as a highschooler does. Now I have always been very mature for my age and when I was in highschool I had a job and was very dependable, pretty much what you would expect of an adult.
I never went to an actual highschool. I was homeschooled from grade 7. I guess that is why I like watching a lot of the anime shows that involve highschool ages, I end up putting myself there as I never had a highschool experience of my own. I never really interacted with girls near my age and still don't know how to talk with them. I would probably end up clamming up tighter than I usually do.
So in a way I still see myself as a teenager as I have never experienced the typical teenager experiences. I long for the close friendships that are developed and the social inclusion. For finding love. I had none of these. I have grown up secluded and alone even amid my large family of 7 I sometimes feel terribly alone. Most of the time I cherish being by myself. Being around people tires me and wears me out. I learned that for sure working at the mall in retail. It ground me down, but it also built me up at the same time. I had to learn to talk to strangers and to break out of my shell a bit. The problem I have now is I had used my job as a sales person to talk about what I was selling, but I still don't know how to really talk to a person. I feel that I am a great listener, but I don't know how to communicate how I feel with anyone.
So what I need to do is finish being a highschooler and graduate to a full adult. I think I need a goal to fully do that. To strain and train my abilities to a specific purpose and devote a lot of time and energy into mastering that purpose.
I just need to find my hidden talent, my gem in the rough. I think writing this blog helps me realize some important things about myself.
Miyazaki-san makes some wonderful movies, but Whisper of the Heart I watched last night.
Wow, beautiful story and the lesson he was telling really got to me and made me think a bit about myself.
I find myself alot like the girl. No real goal in my life and I am living from one day to the next. As I was wandering around in my thoughts I realized that I still very much see myself as a highschooler does. Now I have always been very mature for my age and when I was in highschool I had a job and was very dependable, pretty much what you would expect of an adult.
I never went to an actual highschool. I was homeschooled from grade 7. I guess that is why I like watching a lot of the anime shows that involve highschool ages, I end up putting myself there as I never had a highschool experience of my own. I never really interacted with girls near my age and still don't know how to talk with them. I would probably end up clamming up tighter than I usually do.
So in a way I still see myself as a teenager as I have never experienced the typical teenager experiences. I long for the close friendships that are developed and the social inclusion. For finding love. I had none of these. I have grown up secluded and alone even amid my large family of 7 I sometimes feel terribly alone. Most of the time I cherish being by myself. Being around people tires me and wears me out. I learned that for sure working at the mall in retail. It ground me down, but it also built me up at the same time. I had to learn to talk to strangers and to break out of my shell a bit. The problem I have now is I had used my job as a sales person to talk about what I was selling, but I still don't know how to really talk to a person. I feel that I am a great listener, but I don't know how to communicate how I feel with anyone.
So what I need to do is finish being a highschooler and graduate to a full adult. I think I need a goal to fully do that. To strain and train my abilities to a specific purpose and devote a lot of time and energy into mastering that purpose.
I just need to find my hidden talent, my gem in the rough. I think writing this blog helps me realize some important things about myself.
# posted by kc masterpiece @ 1:58 PM 
