Friday, October 06, 2006
Knock. Seek.
Same old same old going on.
Classes are keeping me pretty busy and up late at night. I will definitely have to take a nice long nap Saturday night. Of course I still have not read the two chapters for class tomorrow. Oh well. I can't be doing too bad. I had a ton of things wrong in my Japanese Quiz, but still managed to get an A. I guess she gives out points for trying, or she grades on a curve and the rest just did that badly.
The weather right now is pretty warm. An Indian Sumer kinda thing, but I don't anticipate it lasting too much longer.
I have been feeling a little down lately again. I got a smile on one of those online date sites. I really liked what I read on this lady's profile. I had sent a One liner thing to see if she would even respond. It took a while to happen, but eventually she did and clicked on the do you think you click button. I definitely think we would click. So I sent her an email what seems like forever ago.
I just checked and I sent it on the 2nd or 3rd. So much for it being forever.
I have gotten myself all worked up over nothing as usual. The irrational things running through my head are telling me that she is not really interested in me. Why would she a college graduate with life goals want to socialize with me, a person still working on getting his AS and no real career aim in life. Part of me agrees and that is probably what makes it so hard. I want to have a life goal, but I just don't know what it is yet. I am reluctant to make any changes in my life, but being unsatisfied with my current life I realize that changes need to be made. Perhaps ever drastic changes. That frightens me. I don't know why I am afraid of that so much. I am an intelligent person, a hard worker, dedicated, and willing to do what it takes. I should have no problem getting and keeping any job that I want. Which leads me to the next point. How does a person know what they want out of life? What do I want out of life?
I want to say that I am content with what I have, but that is not exactly the truth is it. I do want more. I want belonging, friendship, companionship, love. Just the basics that every person wants.
Most of the time I just want someone to point me in a direction and tell me what needs to be done. I am at my happiest doing something. It can be just about anything. As long as I have a task that I can do I am golden. My problem is I am unsure how to set up these tasks for myself. I need initiative.
I always seem to say that I need this and this is a problem for me, but I never do anything about it. Heck, even the last sentence is one of them.
Lord, give me your strength and your patience. Reveal your plan for me to me so I can go and do armed with your might and steadfastness. Lead me according to your plan. As your Word says, knock and the door shall be opened unto you, seek and you shall find. In Jesus' name. Amen.
Classes are keeping me pretty busy and up late at night. I will definitely have to take a nice long nap Saturday night. Of course I still have not read the two chapters for class tomorrow. Oh well. I can't be doing too bad. I had a ton of things wrong in my Japanese Quiz, but still managed to get an A. I guess she gives out points for trying, or she grades on a curve and the rest just did that badly.
The weather right now is pretty warm. An Indian Sumer kinda thing, but I don't anticipate it lasting too much longer.
I have been feeling a little down lately again. I got a smile on one of those online date sites. I really liked what I read on this lady's profile. I had sent a One liner thing to see if she would even respond. It took a while to happen, but eventually she did and clicked on the do you think you click button. I definitely think we would click. So I sent her an email what seems like forever ago.
I just checked and I sent it on the 2nd or 3rd. So much for it being forever.
I have gotten myself all worked up over nothing as usual. The irrational things running through my head are telling me that she is not really interested in me. Why would she a college graduate with life goals want to socialize with me, a person still working on getting his AS and no real career aim in life. Part of me agrees and that is probably what makes it so hard. I want to have a life goal, but I just don't know what it is yet. I am reluctant to make any changes in my life, but being unsatisfied with my current life I realize that changes need to be made. Perhaps ever drastic changes. That frightens me. I don't know why I am afraid of that so much. I am an intelligent person, a hard worker, dedicated, and willing to do what it takes. I should have no problem getting and keeping any job that I want. Which leads me to the next point. How does a person know what they want out of life? What do I want out of life?
I want to say that I am content with what I have, but that is not exactly the truth is it. I do want more. I want belonging, friendship, companionship, love. Just the basics that every person wants.
Most of the time I just want someone to point me in a direction and tell me what needs to be done. I am at my happiest doing something. It can be just about anything. As long as I have a task that I can do I am golden. My problem is I am unsure how to set up these tasks for myself. I need initiative.
I always seem to say that I need this and this is a problem for me, but I never do anything about it. Heck, even the last sentence is one of them.
Lord, give me your strength and your patience. Reveal your plan for me to me so I can go and do armed with your might and steadfastness. Lead me according to your plan. As your Word says, knock and the door shall be opened unto you, seek and you shall find. In Jesus' name. Amen.
